By: Gabriela Riccobene Rodrigues
Most of the time, I don’t like having people over. It’s not that I don’t like people or that I don’t care about them; it’s something harder to explain. I just don’t feel comfortable. As soon as someone walks through the door, it feels like the atmosphere changes, as if everything needs to be perfect, every detail in place, and everyone around me needs to be happy. It’s a strange feeling, almost like carrying a weight that no one can see.
I always worry about what people will think. Is the food good enough? Is the house clean enough? Am I talking enough or showing the right amount of interest? Everything becomes a kind of test that I feel I have to pass. And, as much as I try to seem natural, I get exhausted. For me, having guests over at home is not just a social interaction — it’s an immense responsibility, where I feel obligated to please, even if that means ignoring what I really want.
Sometimes, I even try to relax, but my mind won’t stop. I keep thinking about everything that could go wrong: a glass out of place, a plate that doesn’t match, or even the fear that someone will realize that I’m not being 100% genuine. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but the truth is that this type of situation ends up being more challenging than pleasant. I prefer my quietness, my space, where I can be myself, without feeling like I’m letting anyone down.
The scientific explanation by Dr. Fabiano de Abreu Agrela
The experience described by Gabriela reflects an intersection between introversion and perfectionist traits, which often coexist in sensitive and highly analytical individuals. Introversion, characterized by a greater need for quiet environments and time to recharge, often conflicts with social demands, especially when the individual feels that they need to meet external expectations.
Perfectionism, in turn, increases this discomfort. When a perfectionist receives visitors, the mind tends to evaluate every detail of the environment and personal behavior as if it were under judgment. This occurs due to hyperactivity in brain regions such as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for planning and evaluating actions, and the limbic system, which regulates emotions and amplifies the perception of potential criticism.
In addition, the need to please is linked to hyperstimulation of the amygdala, which processes fear of rejection or disapproval. This neural pattern creates a cycle of anticipatory anxiety, where the person feels compelled to achieve a level of perfection that is almost impossible, even in everyday situations.
Gabriela mentions her preference for being alone and in controlled environments, which is typical of introverts who need more time to process social interactions. For these individuals, the effort required to meet perceived expectations can deplete their emotional reserves, making social activities challenging. This scenario is common in adolescents, especially girls, who are socially conditioned to please and play hospitality roles.
Recognizing these characteristics is essential to fostering balance. Allowing yourself to fail or understanding that not everything has to be perfect are important steps to reducing the mental burden associated with these situations. Over time, it is possible to learn to balance the need to please with respecting your own limits, especially during adolescence, when social pressures are at their peak.
